My name is Ulfric Stormcloak. I'm nine-thousand years old and I'm also an intern at Creepypasta Studios. I work here with my old man and my son, Big Hoss. One thing I've learned after twenty-one years is you never know what is gonna come through that door.
One day I was tasked with cleaning out the bathroom. For some reason I always was assigned to clean the bathroom on taco day. When I opened the door to clean one of the stalls, Lolskeletons popped out of the toilet and gave me a video tape that read "''The Return of Super Beowulf and Hingderdingder Brothers 64 in 3D on Sale''".
"I got in on sale," Skelly explained. He then went back into the toilet to do PATRIXXX knows what.
After I got home from work, I sat down in my room, put the video tape in my Gameboy and grabbed my Xbox controller to see what exactly is on this tape.
Then I saw a picture of the lord and savior PATRIXXX on the desk and turned it face-down so that it would not see this demonic programming.
While the tape was starting up, I left to get some potato chips and a drink. When I returned, the tape began with a stereotypical Swedish man talking.
"I'm Beowulf Horafisk and this is my pawn shop. I work here with my old man and my brother Hingderdingder. And one thing I've learned after over nine-thousand years is you never know what is gonna come through that door."
The first level of the game began playing as Hingderdingder running away from yet another stereotypical Swedish man, Olaf Fiskkuk. Eventually, Olaf caught up to Hingderdingder and a crappy and pixelated animation played of him being stabbed to death.
The tape then cut to a scene of Beowulf Horafisk and his father in a pawn shop, working there.
"I got the gun from Lolskeletons' Suicide. It appeared in the actual episode of The Lolskeletons Show in which he killed himself. The episode was written and scripted by Vampire from Nazareth and is also edible. This is the exact gun he used in said episode," a Magikarp who walked into the shop said.
"So do you wanna pawn it or sell it?" Beowulf asked.
"Well I'm lookin for $500."
"I'll give you a couple of bucks for it," Beowulf offered.
"Alright deal," the Magikarp sealed the deal, walking out with $2.
The second level of the game began with Beowulf maneuvering through various obstacles. It seemed like an actual game for once. Once I beat the level, it started a boss fight with Beowulf battling Olaf Fiskkuk. After I beat him, it simply cut to the next level in which I played as Beowulf's father, Beowulf Horafisk Senior, hunting down a character that somehow looked a lot like you ...